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Marital Infidelity: 5 Danger Zones that Can Lead to an Affair

1. A misunderstanding of normal relationship phases.

All relationships and marriages go through a series of changes, some painful. For instance, relationships often begin in the honeymoon phase, where excitement, passion and an intense emotional connection with your partner is the norm.

Around the two-year mark (this varies from couple to couple), your relationship leaves this blissful phase and enters a stage where conflict and disagreements are more likely. It might feel like the person you fell in love with, your soulmate, is suddenly nowhere to be found—leaving you feeling confused, angry and alone.

~Christina, married three years :

“It feels like everything’s changed. Where’s the guy I fell in love with?”

2. Becoming passive about passion.

The level of passion you and your partner feel for one another will vary throughout the life of your relationship. If the physical and sensual aspects of your relationship are ignored for extended periods of time, your relationship will suffer. Too many couples erroneously assume that passion should be natural and effortless—and they end up not trying.

~Steve, about to celebrate his tenth wedding anniversary :

“We just don’t have time for sex. By the end of the day we’re too exhausted after working ten hours, commuting for two, taking care of the kids, the house…”

3. Ignoring important issues when they arise.

Too many couples assume their relationship will simply take care of itself—the assumption being that love will carry the relationship. This simply isn’t the case. Of course love is important, but it’s only one piece of a healthy marriage or relationship. When couples ignore the relationship, problems mount and fester.

~Candice, in a committed relationship for almost nine years :

“Every time I try to talk to my boyfriend he says, ‘Everything’s fine…you always make a big deal out of things.’ But things aren’t fine. We hardly talk and I’m getting really tired of him pushing me away.”

4. Negative relationship role models.

Have you ever noticed that there aren’t any classes that teach people how to be in a committed relationship?

For better or for worse, we’ve all learned how to be in relationships from observing the relationships that surrounded us throughout our lives—most of this learning occurs in childhood. Like a sponge, children absorb what they see and what surrounds them.

~John, married thirty-three years :

“My wife tells me I treat her like my father treats my mother. I hate it when she says that…I’m afraid it might be true. I don’t even realize it when I’m doing it.”

5. The opposite-sex “friend” phenomenon.

When you prefer to get your emotional needs met from a “friend” of the opposite sex, rather than your spouse/partner, you have moved into an affair-prone danger zone.

~Bill, describing how a friendship with a coworker turned into an affair :

“Me? Having an affair? A year ago I’d laugh if someone asked me that…I honestly thought Jen and I were just friends. We ended up spending more and more time together and one thing just led to another…I never thought I’d cheat on my wife.”